Coaching in analogies #21: Giving feedback like a doctor would

“Hi Alan, it’s [redacted], calling about the position at [redacted].” 

“Hi [redacted], great to hear from you! How’s it going?” I asked.

“It’s going great, thanks. Listen, you haven’t got it.”

My brain didn’t even need to unpack the somewhat distinct verb tense (the hiring manager is Australian). Within five seconds of answering the phone, I had the most important information I needed.

I gathered a bit more detail, learning that my candidacy was strong, but that the person they were hiring was a real star in the field. I thanked him. We made vague plans to get together at some point next time we were near each other. Then the call was over.

I’d invested a lot in seeking this position: flying from California to New York on short notice for an in-person interview, spending half a day with the team I’d be joining, many emails and reference checks. So I was disappointed in the outcome, but the delivery stayed with me. 

It struck me that this leader had a rather clinical style of delivering feedback. Not clinical in the sense of cold, harsh or detached. Clinical in the sense of quickly, succinctly and clearly delivering exactly the necessary information. Like a doctor would.

You’ve waited longer than you’d like for those test results, or for the exam you just had. There are precisely two things you need to know in that pivotal moment.

Is it bad news or good news, and am I going to be okay?

The rest can wait. Yet we’re tempted, as compassionate human beings, to craft an artful and lengthy run-up to the key facts. To bury the lead, as we said in journalism school. Imagine how I would feel if my Australian not-to-be-boss called me up and spent 15 minutes talking about how great I was… and then told me I didn’t get the job? Or filled the initial conversation with a bunch of technicalities that went over my head?

As of this writing, the conversation happened nearly a decade ago. The hiring manager now runs the organization where I didn’t get the job. We never did go out for a beer. And I’m still grateful for his example.

Coaching prompts:

• For the recipient, what is the most important component of the feedback you’re about to deliver?

• How can you do this in a way that is digestible, but doesn’t unnecessarily soften or delay what you really need to say?

Image: Stethoscopes, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons