Coaching session: You're actually doing it right!
“I’m so sorry. I feel like I’ve spent the last 45 minutes rambling. I hope this hasn’t been a big waste of your time.”
This sort of apology has surprised me several times during coaching sessions in the last couple of months. It’s surprised me because every one of my hundreds of sessions has gone a bit differently. There is no script. What works for a client during one session may not work the next time for the very same client. It’s certainly possible for a client to come to a session unprepared (more on that later), but I never hold the expectation that they converse a certain way. Or that the big breakthroughs happen according to a certain schedule.
Part of my job as the coach is to be present. The act of bearing witness, of creating safe space for discussion or serving as a mirror, often has me listening more than I talk. I ask a lot of questions and the client provides the answers. Sometimes, clients just need to be heard!
You need to ramble? Ramble. You need to rant? Rant. My job is to help you take all of the puzzle pieces you just dumped on the table in front of us and assemble them into something that makes sense. If you name the Big Topic at the beginning of your session and we resolve it over 45 minutes or an hour, terrific! But it’s just as likely that I’ll spot a Big Topic during your rant and you’ll be interested in poking at it for several sessions on end. Or I might see themes or inconsistencies as you’re telling your story and call them out for you to consider.
“Well, when you lay it out that way, it sounds simple. Or obvious.”
A coaching session that begins with a big unloading often ends with new insights, or actions to explore between sessions. The assembled jigsaw puzzle is easier to see once we’ve built the frame, noticed the patterns and tried plenty of combinations that don’t work too. If I’ve created a safe, confidential space for you to talk through what’s on your mind; if I’ve helped you own your outcomes without owning them myself, I’ve done my job. And you’ve made great use of my time -- let alone yours.
Here are three simple ways to be as ready as possible for your next coaching session.
1. Have a starting point in mind. And a destination too.
Please, please don’t ever go into a session with nothing to talk about. It’s been a week, two weeks, a month since your last one. Your coach doesn’t know a thing about what has been happening in your world and what it all means. Bring a topic. It can be a meeting that just happened five minutes ago, something you’re really upset about that a colleague did, a victory that brought you joy. Also, have a sense of the outcome or what a successful session might look like in hindsight.
2. Be curious.
Coaches are curious people. They ask more questions for a living than most people, save perhaps for journalists or lawyers (I’ve been all three). But the secret sauce of curiosity actually lives with the coaching client. If you’re aiming to dig deeper, to gain insight on your words and actions and how they play out for different audiences, you’ll go far in coaching. Same for if you go into the process wanting to know yourself better.
3. Trust the process.
Change. Growth. Awareness. These are all hallmarks of a successful coaching engagement. Much like physical therapy, where the practitioner and patient work hard together during their time in person, a lot of the work happens in between sessions. If you’re ready to put in that work, and you’re eager for the changes that will result, you’re in the right state of mind for a coaching engagement. On the other hand, if someone told you that you need a coach, or if your next session feels like another meeting you’ve got to get through to survive your day… I’m going to say this is not your moment.
If you or someone you know are ready for the transformation that coaching can bring, let’s talk. Here’s how to get on my calendar.